three revelations and a duh

I'm home from church today because I have these two babies and both of them have green snot and fevers. I haven't been able to go online forever because we were using this laptop that the law firm gives Gabriel when he goes out of town that has an internal modem and someone on our floor has internet so we somehow get it for free only we had the laptop for like three weeks and Gabriel totally wasn't out of town...at least physically, so we had to give it back but we took in our own computer control tower thing to the IT guys at the law firm because it wasn't working and one of them put into our own computer the thing to get internet so we thought, awesome, we can now steal internet with no guilt....sort of...I must interject here that 99 percent of the lawyers at this law firm have no reason to even think of heisting the place like we always seem to do because they're fully loaded and we're like, rad, they gave Gabriel a job at this totally good place with tons of benefits and stuff to mooch like laptops and tickets to the Jazz games that we can use (or sell) and little packets of apple cider you mix with hot water...good thing we look remotely respectable, huh?....A N Y W A Y...the point is that the Lord doesn't just let you do stuff forever that's weird with no consequences so our computer takes like, and I'm not joking, 15 full minutes to go to the home page of google and then never connects to anything else because it's old and too slow...sad...Gabriel is going to Mexico on Tuesday, though and brought home this little baby again so here I am again...

now to the point of the post:
duh: when you are really excited that your husband brought a computer that works home and all you can think about is going to blogger to see what you've missed and you put in Baby Einstein world animals to entertain your toddler while she eats cheerios and milk with a spoon....you can't just LEAVE her there for a half an hour because the milk gets thrown all over the wall, floor, baby, booster seat, etc...
revelation #1 when your toddler freaks out that she has splattered milk everywhere and babbles unintelligably, things containing, 'galleta', 'down' , 'oh man' and 'leon' (which she learned from watching world animals, no less so the experience was actually educational for her) and you come with your wet paper towel to clean her and the wall and the floor like it never happened, you have a moment where you realize that for at least one person on the planet for at least a few more years, you are the person that can fix anything...
revelation #2 when someone gets squeezed out of you you somehow grow the ability to wipe green snot from their nose one hundred gazillion times a day and even with your hand when there is no kleenex, clean their bottom when it smells worse than the worst bottom and wake up in the middle of sleeping soundly to walk in their room and put the blanket back on them and see if they are still breathing.
revelation #3 when you have been in your house for a week without leaving because your children are sick and it's too hard to take them out and then you go shopping in a mall on a friday night with people that go out all the time and look clean and shiny and go into debt buying True Religion jeans and have professionals cut their hair and fingernails, the devil makes you feel fat and ugly and less than really good because he knows you will notice that you're wearing an entire outfit of that jersy fabric that makes you feel like your clothes fit even though they would fit a refrigerator box because they stretch so much and he knows that you used to look good most of the time and you will equate that with your self-worth so he tries to make you feel like poop....and I did...so I left the mall and went to Ross where everybody knows your name and they're always glad you came and they don't speak english...where I bought three skirts...out of jersey fabric... and came home triumphant to find Gabriel in the aftermath of Dellah throwing up all over Ruby and herself and the bed and the clean laundry...Dellah didn't get squeezed out of him so he was a little more mortified at the sight and sounds of it all but can run a washing machine and bath water so he survived...we are having people over for dinner tonight so I have to go and make chimichangas and salsa and and refried black beans with garlic and onion and angel food cake with strawberries and cool whip...I know...I'm cooking...weird....