Wednesday, August 29, 2007

dear diary

there is a certain amount of freedom associated with knowing that I am the only person reading these posts. I am the annonymous blogger. So, I guess I should just say that I did a good job painting the girl's room yesterday but I have way more to do. It has these scallops around the top of the wall that i traced with a pizza pan so it looks like a circus tent a little with the white of the wall scalloped against the pink of the lower wall....very girl.
Dellah finally took a nap yesterday and i got to be with Ruby for a while before she woke up. That is a really cute little girl. She talks so much more now that she's on this anti-seizure medicine. I hope there's a correlation because I'm sure she's so tired of being behind.

I have officially called 4 strangers in the last 2 days to plan visiting teaching for tonight. I really hate calling people on the phone. I'm no good on the phone. I need visual contact. I'm surprised at how calm I sound to myself while I'm talking though...very strange.
I'm supposed to be teaching the Laurels on sunday and I haven't spoken with the YWP and I don't have a manual. I hope this doesn't result in another phone call to strangers.
Our neighbors brought us cookies last night. There are nice people here.

My mom is very sick with a very big ugly word disease and I feel like all I do is cry when I get spare time. I'm trying to paint rooms and bake cakes and do art projects with toddlers and buy things at stores not to think about it but it's always there. I can't understand why she has to be so far away so I can't help her as much as I wish I could. again, the stupid phone....that's all I've got to convey myself and it's not good enough.

I watched the nanny diaries last night. I don't know why they called it the nanny diaries since it had about 2 things from the book with the same title. whatever. I don't know what the big deal about scarlett johanson is. I thought Laura Linney was gorgeous.

Maybe we'll trade in the pacifica for a station wagon of some, volkswagon, volvo....I think the pacifica is just too big for me. you know my fear of big is a really good looking car, that's for sure but what if we don't have 4 kids? what do we need all that car for? I'm a luxury station wagon kind of girl...always have been.
poopy diapers smell SO BAD. It's just outside the realm of normally tolerated odors.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

from scratch

We had some friends over last night for the husband's birthday which was a week or so ago and his favorite cake is carrot. I decided I would make a carrot cake for him because I'm nice. I didn't realize my fingers would turn orange with all the grating of the carrots and that I maybe should have practiced making a cake for myself before I made one for another....
it stuck to the was sunken in the middle and I was sad. I stuck it on a plate, arranged the layers back in circles with all their detached parts, and put enough icing (3 inches or so) on it so that it looked like a cake....
it wasn't that bad, actually...but I think I'll let Duncan and Hines make the next one.
I have done the wedding hair for a lot of people that I can think of...and the prom hair and the fancy whatever hair but I have never done the same wedding hair three times until this weekend when Liz Davis had her third wedding related event and I put it up again...apparently 3 really is the charm cause she looked pretty. That was a really fun was chilly at night for the first time in I don't know how long so I can't wait till fall. A chilly night and some Kim and some Emily and some Whitney and some Andi and some lemonade and hard candy....come on, people! good times.
I have the night off tonight...if anyone wants to hang out with me let me know. I guess since I'm the only one that reads this, I should probably just not ask that question to avoid no answers and subsequent disappointment.
I wish I had some cash.
I need some money...
mo money, biv devo, here we go!!! member that song?
anyway, I need some cash because there is a place called snoasis which Marsha's roommate, Kristen took us to the other night and I have literally missed like two days in three weeks of going there and getting $3.00 of rediculousness....I mean, I cannot hide the addictive behaviors that I try to quell in normal society...I don't care if those people in the little shack see me every single day...and they do....I gotta have it....I neeeeeeed it, I tell you....vanilla with extra tastes just like the snow cream we used to make when I was little...
snoasis. You don't need to know where it is so you don't make the line longer and I have to wait more time.
Ruby is writhing on the floor screaming and wanting to play in the toilet water which I just can't allow...sorry but that's just gross, you go ahead and cry...but, no, no and no!
We went to see Beauty and the Beast in the amphitheatre on friday and dellah got so excited she peed on gabriel's leg....I thought to myself, 'you are a very good father and I love you but I am so glad that that just happened to you because you're around them 1/24th of the time that I am and you need to be made a little uncomfortable because now you know how I feel.'
this is not a christian attitude. I take it back. I did think that but I shouldn't have written it down....
I wish I weren't chubbly. I'm always shocked when I look in the mirror. It's a big blow to realize I don't look like Gweneth Paltrow. I feel I need to ask Heaven why I can't sing and why my body doesn't do what i want it to.
there are more important things.
ah yes....snoasis....
must go sell something to get some cash....

Thursday, August 23, 2007

yeah, it's been a!

How strange to be here again. I have had the internet for a week now and pass the computer every day thinking, "yeah...I should write something" and then thinking, "yeah....that's overwhelming" and then keep on walking. I think you pass a certain point where it's just been a real long time and you don't know how to write stuff because there's too much stuff. I decided that I'll just write what's happened recently and the rest will just come out in subsequent posts like a far reaching enema to the past.

It's the screaming I can't handle. The screaming of little girls who inherited my volume and are scared or mad or frustrated or happy about every single thing in their lives. I seriously can't handle any more screaming. Sometimes I cry because I can't handle any more screaming and then my children smile because that is the sign of someone who couldn't care less how someone feels....oh, you're sad....that's funny....oh, I made you sad?.....that's even funnier-er.

that's enough of that. We moved. We live in this new house {in an undisclosed place so that no one comes to steal us} and we are happy.

We made sure we bought blinds for the windows before we moved in so we could have some priviacy but, all in all, we went from 700 sqare feet and three windows to 2100+ square feet and lots of windows which makes things really bright. My children who used to sleep until the 10am or heaven forbid, 9am are now waking up at 7am and, though I know other people wake up that early every day, I don't really know anyone who loves it...if they say they do they really don't. Anyway...hibernation has it's plusses...sometimes I miss the cave we came from. Mostly I miss feeling warm yummy love feelings for my children when I came to get them after sleeping until I could wake myself up. If I have to hear, "enjoy goes by so fast" one more time I'm going to go by them really fast with my fist. It absolutely does not go by very fast in the present. It feels like a recurring out of body trip that is not altogether unpleasant but mostly really loud and messy and unorganized and bad for my sense of self esteem. Enough with your hindsight goes by really fast....sheesh..I love my babies so much it just doesn't go by fast, ok?

So I have a garage and a big trash can that we roll to the edge of the driveway on monday mornings and a door bell and a pantry and all that stuff.

This post is too long.

Yesterday in the wee hours when Dellah came to jump on my bed, I proposed that she should go to school. She said she wanted to go to school and then I said that people who go to school have to be able to go potty in the potty.(she is potty averse and thinks of every excuse never to go to the potty even though she is three years and two months old) To my astonishment she said, "yeah...Imonnagotooda poddy" and she went, sat down and peed. We put her ballet shoe bikini panties on which she calls "tannies" (homophone) and she went about 6 more times before we left for the day and she wore a diaper. We came home and she went more and this morning she comes in the room announcing that she needs to go poddy and wear her heart tannies. No accidents (if it were possible to have any going to the bathroom every 7 minutes just to flush and wash your hands). I have never spoken english to my children even one day in their lives and for some reason, Dellah speaks english 24/7 and thinks Ruby should too so Ruby is all messed up. Dellah says things like "I'm a big girl cause I gotooda poddy like a big girl cause I wear my tannies and I go to da poddy to do pee pee and liddle big poops" and Ruby says things like "yo gonna paper in la basura"...just pick a language least she's talking...that's a huge step....Ruby is so cute it's a crime in a dozen countries.

I just got called to be the Laurel advisor in my ward...that's cool. And we're speaking in church sunday....that's okay.
I got some green flats cute. I mean soooo cute.
love love