you're just brown

The other Sunday in church Dellah was having a relapse of her puppy/kitten phase and started licking Gabriel's hand in sacrament meeting...Gabriel looks down at her and whispers, 'don't lick my hand, Dellah, it's dirty', to which she replied, 'You're not dirty papi, you're just brown...'
This is the first time I have ever heard her acknowledge that her Papi is not white like she looks from the outside...I wondered for a second if she would be drawn to brown boys just because of her comfort level or if she would feel 'mexican' in some way and express that in some heretofore unknown way...I think it will be fascinating to watch and see what two cultures look like painted on one little girl.
As for Ruby, this is an exact quote, "Mami, do you talk Espanol?"
"Si, Ruby, yo hablo Espanol siempre"
"oh, I talk Espanol tambien, Mami...dus like yuuu"
mmmmhmmm...
well, sort of.

My chubbiness is grossing me out. Something has to happen where I stop eating. Death is not an option since I really appreciate living...
I just wish I had some endorphins to help me want to get some more endorphins by some exercising or something besides watching television and wishing I had endorphins...
whatever.
If food would start tasting like crap it would be a lot easier but I feel so happy when I have yumminess in my tumminess...

Kinley needs to get her big stupid self off of project runway. I can't stand that girl.
I watched the John Adams HBO movie after reading the book and I have to say, I really wish people cared about America the way they used to when it was just an infant that they needed to form and help and protect. Homeboy was ugly but he was inspired.
that's fo sho.

I'm sure you've all cut your hair because you were so sick of your hair and just knew that it would look better if you cut it when all you needed to do was let it keep growing past the ugliness to get even better...
pictures from June haunt me...I should have just LEFT IT ALONE! but noooo, I had to think that I wanted Ruby's little effortless Tinkerbell situation without thinking that I'm 3 feet taller, not a blond and not 3 years old.
evil shears...
stop cutting my hairs when I open you and put you around my hairs and want to cut my hairs thinking I know better than professional hair cutters know about my hairs...turn a blunt ear, dearest shears...leave me alone...help me help myself and not be homely by being homely past the homely stage until my arrival at cute hair...
carpet you can atone for...haircuts you just lament.

On a lighter note, today was a really good day. I was saying things like, "do you need some alone time so that you can stop feeling angry?" and "you know, it hurts my feelings when you yell at me, can you please calm down and talk with words?"
look at me being all educated by nanny 911.
I hope tomorrow goes the same...it's amazing how fun life can be when you don't dislike your offspring!

ps, when there are ugly people in commercials trying to get people to buy things and stay at places by making them think that normal people buy those things and stay at those hotels, it makes me really sick because wouldn't everyone rather believe that fabulously good looking people are making the same choices as them and not that they're on par with really average/ugly people? I don't buy barbies for my children, I say positive things to my children about my own body and theirs and appreciate diversity in life but I would much rather see Brooke Shields selling Colgate than weird looking people staying at Best Western.
that's all.