Cinco de Mayo...what?

I live with a Mexican who has never celebrated Cinco de Mayo in his whole life. He doesn't understand what he would celebrate. Mexican independence day (and most of Central America too) has their 4th of July on the 16th of September. I think Americans invented Cinco de Mayo so they can say things like, 'Tequila' and 'Fiesta' and 'Sombrero'.

That behind me, I would like to inform my vast and far reaching readership (or something) that the 'Disgrace to your Gender' letters of yesteryear live on...only now they are 'Disgrace to your Establishment' letters because I recently wrote the organizer of that one Methodist sale I just sold stuff in and gave her the who and the why and the what for of what she can do with her ridiculous letter telling me that I caused clerical errors with the cashiers because my price tags were unreadably too small so in the future, I need to please use only the template they provide....you know what? I defy anyone on the earth to tell me that I don't know the dimensions of a price tag...I'm legally blind in both my eyes without contacts and I could see them at arm's length! So, anyway, it felt really good to tell her that I was a very intelligent person who had done nothing but print the template SHE SENT ME and fill in the blanks and that if she needed any helpful hints, maybe she could not employ actual blind people over the age of 77 as her cashiers. Also I told her it was bad form to tell anyone that clerical errors were made in your accounting...I did everything but tell her that my husband's a lawyer and I'm going to sue her for being a complete idiot. It was just condescending when I stayed up past 1 am for 3 days to wash and iron and hang and tag 156 items of clothes. It looked like a store. All the same hangars, all the same direction, all the same sized safety pins holing the tags, all shirts, pants, skirts and dresses together in groups. You know me. She told me they had to be in nearly new condition with no frays or loose buttons for this very high quality sale. I didn't send tons of things because they weren't perfect. Then they send me 14 things in my box of stuff that I wanted back if they didn't sell that were never even mine...14 ugly, stained, baby BOY, carter's monstrosities and I'm like.........well, I've already told you what I was like.
She didn't respond funnily enough.
All the boys I ever wrote them to at least responded in some way.
eh..
what ever.
This is reason number 783 why I am nothing like the Lord and would not go to Heaven if I died in a few minutes. Please let me have more time on earth to not feel so happy that I was mean to that pretentious poophead.

I am now going to be like a lighthouse with flags and flares and blinking lights and small glass observatories. I will tell you the code. I will have a secret word for the different stages of misery that I am going to feel when my husband's parents (who dislike me greatly, not that I just think it but that they just said it out loud very loudly to my husband who then hung up on them two years ago) come to visit Utah for t w o m o n t h s. They come on Saturday the 10th and they leave mid July...
I'm just going to let that percolate so you will understand the need for secret codes and combinations. I feel like a Mason. So, when things are OK, I will say 'good' and when things suck I will say, 'great' and when things are about to go off the hook or the balcony or the deep end, I will say 'Fantastic'. This way everyone will think I'm so nice when I talk about the fantastic time I'm having, negating the need for a reason 784... on the outside at least. But you and I will know what I mean. We will laugh secretly in our innermost chambers at the greatness of my adjective-ness and the lameness of my situation-ness. we will laugh a laugh like, mmmmooooaaaahahahahahhhaa. If I ever have to say Magnificent you better just call the local authorities because there will have been some Sanchez splattered somewhere conspicuous up in here if I'm still alive to write 'magnificent' at all.

I watched Kite Runner the other night. so, so good. The guy in it said, "children are not like coloring books, you cannot just put your favorite colors in them, they are themselves". good advice. I tend to walk around with a magenta crayon all up in their faces. I am newly resolved to let them be whatever colors they want.