Dia de accion de gracias

In Spanish this day is called, not just thanksgiving, but 'day of the action of thanks'. I've thought about what the actions of thanks are and how I don't really do any of them and that probably means that I suck on a lot of levels but I am actually very grateful for how nice my life is. I think that to some, my life would seem ideal and even idyllic. I think that if I take an inventory and list all the bad (which I will right now) I will still probably come up grateful....let's try.
bad:
1. I used to be a good writer and have all kinds of creativity coming and going from my mind. Now I am a blank because I am depleted mentally most of the time.
2. I can't wear my cutest clothes because my body is my enemy.
3. I have probably always been totally messed up but I have never taken medicine every morning and night, reaffirming to myself that I am flawed and un-whole and less somehow because my brain doesn't make norepinephrin.
4. My mom has cancer and chemo and no hair and no energy and I feel like I'm looking in a mirror of the future every time I talk to her or about her and that scares me.
5. My baby has epilepsy and has seizures every time she sleeps and isn't the same as other kids her age and I feel when I am all by myself that it is somehow my fault for taking prevacid while I was pregnant or getting pregnant so soon after Dellah (even thought it was an accident) or falling on a staircase in remote Mexico at 26 weeks.
6. I have to make my life fit around therapy sessions for Ruby and Neurologist appointments for Ruby and make sure that Ruby takes her 2.5 mL of Keppra twice a day and make sure that I walk the line between insanity and love because when she's older she's not going to know how loud she cried and how much it made me want to hide....she'll just remember if I did hide...so I don't.
7. I don't contribute in any way to my own financial life. I haven't had a job in 4 years. I don't particularly want to go to a job every day but there is a sense of agility and freedom that come with knowing you can do it yourself...or at least some of it. I looked at my resume the other day and tried to imagine actually giving it to an employer right now...absolutely no one would think I could do anything except dress mannequins at Baby gap or teach Mormon missionaries.
8. I live in the same state with my sister who I haven't spoken to since my birthday in October and before that since last Christmas and that just feels like a small version of a lesser degree of glory.
9. That same sister lives 15 minutes from her husband's family and my little sister lives 5 minutes from her in laws and an hour from her husband's grandparents and my brother lives 30 minutes from my sister-in-law's parents. All of these people can go and do things and go on trips and have help that they don't have to pay or bribe and I don't have anyone.
10. I have hemorrhoids. bad ones. it's gross.
11. I feel like I should have another baby and Gabriel doesn't want to go through 40 weeks of sickness just to have no sleep and more crying kids....I'm pretty sure Heavenly Father is more on my side.
12. I can't see. I'm on the last contacts that you can have before you have to wear glasses over contacts for more correction and everything is still all blurry.
13. I can't find my necklace with the block of wood on the chain.

As you can tell, there are some cons. Every life has cons but I think, basically, I would probably, in most cases choose my own crap back out of a pile of every one's all together.
My children are happy and have all their limbs. They make me laugh and I can't even stand how cute they are sometimes. My husband is just unbelievably good. I mean, really. Every day I'm positive there's got to be a catch. I have a warm house. I have a new house. I have a good car. My mom and dad are alive and I can talk to them whenever they answer the phone. I am one of the 8 maids a milking in a PBS Christmas special....I just found the Charlie Brown Christmas movie in another effort to make sure that my children have every single toy and book and experience that I ever had as a child which they will totally need therapy for and I seem to revel quite a bit.
I love the scriptures. I love the gospel. I am truly positive that Heavenly Father answers prayers and I am always happiest when I do what he wants.
I have wonderful and brilliant friends who inspire me. I have good teeth. My body hair is blond. I don't have cochlear implants. I speak a foreign language and I always know when Latinos are making fun of me. I have a $90 sweater from Urban Outfitters that is the only thing I have ever spent that much money on and it makes me feel happy. My dove deodorant doesn't leave white marks on my clothes just like the commercial says. I made sweet potato souffle today for part of Thanksgiving and it was magically delicious. We went to see Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium this morning with the girls and we didn't have to leave for anyone screaming uncontrollably or wetting their pants. I got up and did Pilates this morning in an effort to quell my appetite for later which didn't exactly work but I felt better about it. My hair is growing out to a normal length for someone with my bone to chub ratio. I'm just positive that the Savior really does live to grant us rich supply and I can be the best version of myself if I just try to be more like Him. Yesterday in the car, Ruby said, "Mami, estoy muy feliz" all in one sentence like that...out of the blue...the most unhappy, inconsolable child I have ever met who has spent her life exhausted and wordless told me she was very happy. How in the world can I think that I'm un-happy?
I have practiced the action of gratitude.