I'm totally behind. I sense a travel log comin' on

I'll try not to go that route. I'll try to give feelings on a variety of different subjects so as not to make any reader feel their time catching up was in vain.
So, I'm one of the 8 maids a milking, just so you know...you know, 12 days of christmas and the audition I thought I sucked at? I still really sucked still but she decided not to do the toy soldier dance I sucked at and I was redeemed with my country ho-down cum swiss miss rendition of Carol Iwasaki's milking maid steps....so that's good. I'm 'a milking.

Also, I think I'm pretty behind and I really don't care what political party he's part of, Does Al Gore really deserve a NOBEL PEACE PRIZE? WHAT THE....
I don't know, one year he's this totally boring idiot that tries to go on MTV to get some votes and everyone's making fun of him and now he's an academy award winning, nobel peace prize winning celebrity? I am now completely and utterly positive that I should start stating the obvious things about the world and life and see where it gets me. They sky's the limit.
Did you know that when you're walking down your sidewalk to go visiting teaching at 10am and there is a used condom lying in your path and you try desperately to focus her attention on the airplane overhead, that your 3 year old WILL mention the fact that there is a long balloon in the street?
Did you know that after you give birth twice in 10 months that your stomach actually rests on the top of your legs even when you sit up straight and do sit ups....THIS IS AN OUTRAGE PEOPLE! Polar bears slipping off of ice caps is one thing and crashing into the wall of the irreversible tide of sagginess is another...i mean come on...
whatever.
DID YOU KNOW that when you wake up in the morning and you wish you didn't have to and you don't feel too happy about much of anything and you feel all like, 'yeah, whatever, I'm just going to be mad and cry and stuff' that you can actually go to Dr. George Van Komen and he will give you a little extra 100 mg. pill of wellbutrin to take with your morning dose and it's just that easy? I bet you did not know that.
Furthermore, did you know that when you go through the line at wal-mart buying some gum and pez just so you can get $10 cash back and you get to the end where you choose cash back and they only give increments of $20 so you say, forget it and that you don't want the items, that the person will then tell you to go to customer service and return your big red and pez variety pack because she went ahead pressing buttons without your consent?
Did you know that when she says this you can go to the customer service desk and throw the bag at them and say, 'I don't need this..give me a break!"? because you would rather lose $1.50 than ever stand in line to return gum and pez.... It's a really pretty secret fact actually so pay attention, people.
I'm not sure if you've been apprised of the fact that I am going to turn 31 on monday the 29th of October and that 31 is not only the ugliest number, but it actually evokes no emotion in the birthday girl at all. If I weren't going to Las Vegas to H&M the weekend before, I might forget all together that 31 years had passed since genesis.
Also, I'm not sure if you've discovered that if you stop washing your hair every other day or even every 3rd day that your hair actually says, "ok, sure...I can roll with that." and you actually feel like you have day 2 hair on day 4?
This just in!...did you know that when your husband comes home at 9:30pm after leaving at 7am and you DON'T completely go ballistic and pout and act like you've just survived an all out nuclear attack on your home and sanity by crawling through a mud trench for 5 miles alone, that he actually brings you flowers and some apple turnovers?
REVELATIONS, people....revelations.
Did you know that when you have a sinus cold that you can actually feel near death pain by sneezing? that it is that painful?
Did you know that when superior water comes to your house and says they will give you a free trial of their water softener that it actually does stop the soap scum from building on the glass in your shower and your dishes actually are cleaner but the water itself is so unbearable to drink even after passing through your GE profile filter that you say, 'get on outa here wid dat mess, boy! cause we ain't havin' none of it....'
also, when you are preparing your child for preschool and you can't get a ponytail where there used to be one, and you then realize that she has made herself a stereotypical lesbian mullet on just one side of her head using scissors that you didn't even know she knew existed....when you tell that child that this is unacceptable and that only mommy uses scissors for hair and scissors are only for paper and that you're not mad but you don't want this to happen again that the child will then tell you that they have also cut their sister's hair, the build a bear workshop winnie the pooh and the ikea sheepskin.....?
bring on the awards, people....all that's missing is power point I suppose but that has to be at least as many little known, disconcerting and highly disputable facts as Mr. G....
I am neglecting at least 3 essential responsibilities here writing this so I'll adjourn.