Today we went with GAbriel to get a CT scan on his head to make sure that his headaches were just migranes and not tumors or something...that was 12:30 and then after an hour or so we dropped him back off and work and went to Draper to look at Downeast Home for some Pottery Barn good at Target prices....then we went to TJ Maxx and then I ran over my stroller because both of my children were screaming and I forgot to put it in the trunk...the stroller is fine...then we went to Sandy to drive past the huge dirt area that rarely changes but we like to call it 'home' and got a happy meal and came back to Salt Lake where we went to the Health Department to pick up my INH prescription (I'm a public health hazard so I have to go to the 'infectious disease' office once a month right next to the HIV office) and then we went to DI where I saw Zendina and then we went to Hires Big H but they didn't have a peanut butter milk shake so we went to pick up Gabriel from work because it was 6. Somewhere between the big plot of dirt in Sandy and seeing Zendina in DI I realized that I was totally pushing it with my children. They were miserable. They were all sticky and dirty and frizzy and wrinkled and I was like, ONE MORE THING...JUST ONE MORE THING....ME, ME, ME....poor things. We go days without leaving the house and then we have these marathon things. moderation.
I wish it was easy for me to understand what has happened to my body. Amazing, really, when you think that I used to prance around life in a leotard and tights and not look that bad and now, well, I look 'that bad'. Blah blah, two kids, blah blah...I don't think that's an excuse when there are people that look teeny and they have 4 kids and I don't even seem to be losing one pound after having Ruby. I feel a strange indignance towards it. I'm so mad, actually. It's a weird feeling to have been something. I read the other day that you can't live in what you were or what you hope you will be...only what you are. I suppose that's true but I'm not throwing out the teeny pants just yet. I just can't do it. In my mind I'm normal...in the mirror i'm dillusional.
Gabriel goes out of town tomorrow AGAIN to Mexico until Friday...that's right robbers and theives...come and get us....
I have this little tin box of solid watercolors that I got in the kids department and I can't stop painting retarded things all the time...I have no idea what I'm doing but I really like it.
Wednesday I have the pleasure of cutting off Zendina's dread locks which are well past her bottom. She's ready to do it and I'm ready to help. It's a new day.
I like the sound of a washing machine and dryer going at the same time. It makes me feel the thrill of productivity with the comfort of slothfulness.
:)
2 comments:
I hope Gabriel is okay.
I feel the same way as you when I look at my 5 o'clock shadow and realize that I will never, ever in my life, ever be able to just put on a swimsuit and go swimming without taking an hour long shower beforehand just to shave all the awful hairs off my body.
hey, i wanted to tell you this: when we saw you at anthropologie it really struck me that you are doing a great job with your kids. they seemed calm and happy and healthy. i was really impressed. and it wasn't just that they were all dressed up; you can tell that they're happy kids, content and well taken care of.
Post a Comment