So we go to the Jordan Child Development Center so Ruby can be evaluated again by these professional people with the school district and it's special services. These were their words after an hour and a half with Ruby........."Man....she's a hard one. This is a tricky one..."
ya think?
A kid who's been raised exclusively in Spanish who speaks exclusively in English who has all these charming social skills and knows a lot of stuff and figures out that Heavenly Father can give us hugs because he has bones and confirms that Satan cannot give us cigarettes because he's a ghost with no bones. This same kid today points to brown when asked to find gray; brown when asked to find black and gray when asked to find brown. She never has never ever known the name of the color yellow calling it gween or owange every time she's asked. Today, where's yellow? oh, there it is.....on the yellow dot. what? She doesn't know over from under or what her ankle is called but she can jump on one foot and skip, both of which are kindergarten age skills.
so you know what this means...
yeah, she has another appointment to meet with other folks to sort out her "red flags" as it were, but not till the end of march because that's how they roll....
Gabriel works so hard. He comes home late at night and goes in early in the morning every single day and never complains. He gets paychecks and doesn't spend any of them on himself. He really is that one Bryan Adams song about everything I do, I do it for you and so forth. So, 5 months ago when Mexico gets drawn to play the first match in the world cup against South Africa, IN South Africa and he applied for tickets online, I was fully supportive of his excitement that he might get to go.
today he found out.
he got the tickets.
ok.
I'm happy for him.
......I have a baby on May 22 and he flies to the farthest continent from here on June 5th spending thousands of dollars on airfare and etc, being gone for 10 days.....
you know what this means, right?......
I get whatever stroller I want......I mean WHATEVER stroller I want.....I mean money is no object, my manchild will be strolled in whateverthehell stroller I want....that's what that means.
Today we were having our after school snack of nachos during the time of day when the girls both have come unhinged from fatigue and punch drunkenness and there is usually uncontrolled laughing and yelling and disregard for parental utterance.
Friday is the only day of the week we can have quiet time because it's a short day at kindergarten so Dellah gets out at 1:55 instead of 3:35. Knowing that there is a possibility that I could rest makes me anxious to get the show on the road already but, as part of my new and improved zen parenting movement, I show great restraint giving calm warnings and speaking rationally while being met with utter deafness and escalating mayhem...Seven tortilla chips with cheese on them, people...not even the big triangle ones, but the little scoopy ones and they've both got 3 left after 20 minutes? i don't think so. I could feel the tea pot starting that boil where you can almost hear the whistle but not quite and I didn't yell. I didn't physically harm them. The crazy got to it's apex and i calmly took their plates and put them by the sink informing them that they must be out of their minds if they think I'm letting them sit there and waste any more time....yes, i said, 'you must be out of your MINDS!'
as per a prior post, you well know that Dellah then launches in to her "Mom, I'm going to STARVE! I'm going to starve and throw UP!" in her most defiant tone, a preview of 10 years from now in technicolor, to which I replied, "I am giving you a swat on the bottom (which i did). You NEVER speak to me like that....EVER." All with the utmost love and sternness.
I grabbed their hands and walked them both upstairs explaining that consequences cannot be avoided and I'm very sorry they chose to disobey but I have to be a good mom and this is what good moms do.
In 5 minutes they were both lying down in their respective quiet time spots giving me kisses and saying 'night, night' with nary a thought of nachos to be had.
you know what this means, right?
something.
Friday, February 05, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
knock, knock, who's there?
So I woke up this morning with my same resolve to be a better parent and the girls seemed to be cooperating so I was glad. I've mentioned before that Ruby isn't quite sure of any of the abc's or shapes or colors, etc and any effort to try and have her focus on them ends in a prompt search for something/anything else for her to focus on....After breakfast, Ruby brings this big preschool preparedness book over and says she wants to 'wite innit'. This happens about once a week that Ruby wants to feel like she has assignments like Dellah and I get to patiently sit with her while she just scribbles all over the book. There's a page for each letter to practice writing it and those are just a joke normally but today I was feeling full of the essence of good will toward all so I said, "would you like to learn about 'R's since your name starts with R?
She said yes so we started tracing R's and then it was time to freehand it and I braced myself......and then she drew a vertical line.....and then a fat belly to the mid line.......and then a diagonal line from the belly to the bottom line......by golly it was an R!
I had such a big cow of overjoyment that she felt compelled to learn u's as well.....and then b's and y's.....at the conclusion of this exercise in larynx weakening cheers and sighs over her motivation to excel at something/anything, i asked Dellah (who was making it clear the entire time how good she already is at writing these letters, needing me to say, 'you're right, you are such a big, smart girl and now you can help teach Ruby!') to go get a piece of white paper so I could see if it were possible to put this all together.
the child wrote RUBY.
she just wrote it. The girl who can't find the shirt she just took off and can't switch from house to car or car to other place or even living room to bedroom without an extreme show of inability to calm down and stop screaming. The girl who called her own sister Wooby for over 3 years and can't figure out the intricate mystery that is 'putting on your socks', learned to write and wrote her name 10 minutes.
the lights are on and someone's home!! these are the moments i have to savor because tomorrow, chances are, she'll act like it never happened.
there's this part in Mansfield Park where Fanny and Edmund are in the carriage after a long separation and Edmund says, "I should think you and I are beyond words when words so clearly are not enough......and then he puts his hand down on the seat and she puts her hand down beside his and then he inches his hand over hers and later he falls asleep and leans on her shoulder as she looks down at him....."
that's all.
I'm in love with that movie.
i used the crock pot today. We're having chicken toastadas and beans and I'm very domesticated. I've even done 3 loads of laundry
.....now who's going to fold them? I miss Josefina and how she used to come and clean our house. I used to think she wasn't very thorough and now I wonder what I was thinking....
did I mention we sold our Chrysler Pacifica a couple of weeks ago? I know! I'm so excited.....you know what this means, don't you? This means that an acura mdx is going to come and live with us and we can love it and pat it and squeeze it and call it George. the auction is in Vegas next friday.....hopefully Gabriel can find something good and bring it hither so I can stop driving his car and picking him up at the traxx every afternoon. can you really get a baby and an mdx in the same year? I wanted both of these things for years and now they're coming like magic.....belated, delicious magic....I feel like the dread pirate roberts with nothing to do now that i've had my revenge....
maybe I'll fold laundry......
or take a nap......or a shower.....or a break...
She said yes so we started tracing R's and then it was time to freehand it and I braced myself......and then she drew a vertical line.....and then a fat belly to the mid line.......and then a diagonal line from the belly to the bottom line......by golly it was an R!
I had such a big cow of overjoyment that she felt compelled to learn u's as well.....and then b's and y's.....at the conclusion of this exercise in larynx weakening cheers and sighs over her motivation to excel at something/anything, i asked Dellah (who was making it clear the entire time how good she already is at writing these letters, needing me to say, 'you're right, you are such a big, smart girl and now you can help teach Ruby!') to go get a piece of white paper so I could see if it were possible to put this all together.
the child wrote RUBY.
she just wrote it. The girl who can't find the shirt she just took off and can't switch from house to car or car to other place or even living room to bedroom without an extreme show of inability to calm down and stop screaming. The girl who called her own sister Wooby for over 3 years and can't figure out the intricate mystery that is 'putting on your socks', learned to write and wrote her name 10 minutes.
the lights are on and someone's home!! these are the moments i have to savor because tomorrow, chances are, she'll act like it never happened.
there's this part in Mansfield Park where Fanny and Edmund are in the carriage after a long separation and Edmund says, "I should think you and I are beyond words when words so clearly are not enough......and then he puts his hand down on the seat and she puts her hand down beside his and then he inches his hand over hers and later he falls asleep and leans on her shoulder as she looks down at him....."
that's all.
I'm in love with that movie.
i used the crock pot today. We're having chicken toastadas and beans and I'm very domesticated. I've even done 3 loads of laundry
.....now who's going to fold them? I miss Josefina and how she used to come and clean our house. I used to think she wasn't very thorough and now I wonder what I was thinking....
did I mention we sold our Chrysler Pacifica a couple of weeks ago? I know! I'm so excited.....you know what this means, don't you? This means that an acura mdx is going to come and live with us and we can love it and pat it and squeeze it and call it George. the auction is in Vegas next friday.....hopefully Gabriel can find something good and bring it hither so I can stop driving his car and picking him up at the traxx every afternoon. can you really get a baby and an mdx in the same year? I wanted both of these things for years and now they're coming like magic.....belated, delicious magic....I feel like the dread pirate roberts with nothing to do now that i've had my revenge....
maybe I'll fold laundry......
or take a nap......or a shower.....or a break...
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
my chemical romance
I think about bi-annually I become aware that I cannot stop taking Wellbutrin and still be normal. This is, in itself, pretty depressing, not even considering the actual depression necessitating the medication.
Do you ever feel like you just have a broken part in your life? Mine seems to be my inability to be Claire Huckstable and my children's inability to stop bossing each other around and speaking to each other like poop and crying those tantrum fits I've now been enduring for 4 years and 10 months from Ruby.
Yesterday I had to lock myself in my room and tell them I didn't want to look at them right now. Tonight I had to have that 'come to Jesus' speech I feel like I have about bi-annually (directly correlating to my attempts at lowering my milligrams and flying solo) where I laid down the fact that I can no longer live with no peace in my house.
I have this sinking feeling that I have irreparably damaged my children. I have this sneaking suspicion that without the super nannycoming to my house in her british taxi I may have no hope of surviving. I wish I were even kind of kidding but I'm not. I wake up every day and I think 'today is the day I'm not going to lose my cool and I'm going to be the version of myself I most want to be and I adore my children and I'm going to make sure they feel warm and smooshy inside every time I look at them'. Then by like time to leave for school I have already been a dork about putting on shoes at .2 miles per hour or ruby has had a cow about taking off her shirt and not being able to find it.....in the spot where she just put it....and she screams for 25 minutes without stopping about 10 different things before she stops or Dellah has just used 5 year old sarcasm when I say to her calmly, 'if you're not done with your cereal in 3 minutes we're going to have to leave it unfinished' and she replies "OH SO YOU JUST WANT ME TO DIE? IF I DON'T EAT I'LL DIE, MOM! I CAN'T JUST HURRY, I'M CHEWING..."
yesterday at DI with my 4 and 5 year olds both screaming at the tippy top of their capacity like 2 year olds, i said to myself outloud....'i am in hell...i actually am in hell and this is actually my life'.
what am I doing wrong?
I'm like crippled by feeling that my kids are going to hate me or that they already do or they are scared of me or I'm going to hell or something.
AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
There actually are lots of things to be happy about, I just have this creepy 'you're the absolute worst parent on the planet or your kids wouldn't be so horrid' feeling....
I just gotta get some perspective. sorry for the downer. i love you dear void.
Do you ever feel like you just have a broken part in your life? Mine seems to be my inability to be Claire Huckstable and my children's inability to stop bossing each other around and speaking to each other like poop and crying those tantrum fits I've now been enduring for 4 years and 10 months from Ruby.
Yesterday I had to lock myself in my room and tell them I didn't want to look at them right now. Tonight I had to have that 'come to Jesus' speech I feel like I have about bi-annually (directly correlating to my attempts at lowering my milligrams and flying solo) where I laid down the fact that I can no longer live with no peace in my house.
I have this sinking feeling that I have irreparably damaged my children. I have this sneaking suspicion that without the super nannycoming to my house in her british taxi I may have no hope of surviving. I wish I were even kind of kidding but I'm not. I wake up every day and I think 'today is the day I'm not going to lose my cool and I'm going to be the version of myself I most want to be and I adore my children and I'm going to make sure they feel warm and smooshy inside every time I look at them'. Then by like time to leave for school I have already been a dork about putting on shoes at .2 miles per hour or ruby has had a cow about taking off her shirt and not being able to find it.....in the spot where she just put it....and she screams for 25 minutes without stopping about 10 different things before she stops or Dellah has just used 5 year old sarcasm when I say to her calmly, 'if you're not done with your cereal in 3 minutes we're going to have to leave it unfinished' and she replies "OH SO YOU JUST WANT ME TO DIE? IF I DON'T EAT I'LL DIE, MOM! I CAN'T JUST HURRY, I'M CHEWING..."
yesterday at DI with my 4 and 5 year olds both screaming at the tippy top of their capacity like 2 year olds, i said to myself outloud....'i am in hell...i actually am in hell and this is actually my life'.
what am I doing wrong?
I'm like crippled by feeling that my kids are going to hate me or that they already do or they are scared of me or I'm going to hell or something.
AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
There actually are lots of things to be happy about, I just have this creepy 'you're the absolute worst parent on the planet or your kids wouldn't be so horrid' feeling....
I just gotta get some perspective. sorry for the downer. i love you dear void.
Monday, January 25, 2010
victorious
Water flowing on the rocks, people. Erosion. That's what I am....water.....or maybe acid. i wore him down. My dear husband has decided that my name is, indeed, quite a good name contrary to former disdain for the same.
Theo Gabriel Sanchez
yes.
i am in one of those false senses of reality where you actually DO get what you want from life if you're a big enough stubborn jerk about it....
it's just the right name. Theo. It works. I'm content. If you hate it keep your mouth on the downclosed cause i don't need no hateration during my gestation.
hooray for me and my small little mister who kicks my bladder and makes me incontinent.
current food cravings: orange dream machine from Jamba juice and life cereal.
current happiness at finding Kate and Leopold, AND Mansfield park on DVD at DI today....immeasurable.
Theo Gabriel Sanchez
yes.
i am in one of those false senses of reality where you actually DO get what you want from life if you're a big enough stubborn jerk about it....
it's just the right name. Theo. It works. I'm content. If you hate it keep your mouth on the downclosed cause i don't need no hateration during my gestation.
hooray for me and my small little mister who kicks my bladder and makes me incontinent.
current food cravings: orange dream machine from Jamba juice and life cereal.
current happiness at finding Kate and Leopold, AND Mansfield park on DVD at DI today....immeasurable.
Monday, January 04, 2010
it's a man child
that's right people...the sanchezes are making a boy...as we speak. What we will name said boy is a hurdle. girl names are just better than boy names but I'll work it out. It doesn't help that Gabriel hates the name I have arrived at after having my 10 year name of choice used twice in the last 6 months...he seems to think that he has a right to name his child or something....
i object.
if you can't push the baby out, you can't have final say in what the baby is called. I don't negotiate. You know how many times a mom says the name of her kid on average per day? It has to be upwards of 500 times. I went to Ross today and must have called Dellah 75 times. then in DI i think i easily said Ruby's name 168 times....when they're both together, let's say in Target I spend the ENTIRE TIME saying some form of, 'Dellah y Ruby! vengan por favor....ahorita....Dellah y Ruby...me estan escuchando?"
yeah, when you get home at 7pm 5 days a week, and you think you're gonna decide the name of MY kid that I get to call 437 times while you're gone, you've GOT to be kidding me.
If only we could agree.
If only Gabriel didn't like the name....nevermind....perhaps some of you like the names he likes too but we gotta work this out, people.
three words: Sherlock Holmes
two words: Robert Downey Jr.
one word: yessssssss
other word: Avatar
something else: pretty amazing how much it makes you want to have a tail and no nose to speak of after 3 hours of 3-d glasses
current food cravings...chili cheese fritos
current need to go to the bathroom....urgent
i object.
if you can't push the baby out, you can't have final say in what the baby is called. I don't negotiate. You know how many times a mom says the name of her kid on average per day? It has to be upwards of 500 times. I went to Ross today and must have called Dellah 75 times. then in DI i think i easily said Ruby's name 168 times....when they're both together, let's say in Target I spend the ENTIRE TIME saying some form of, 'Dellah y Ruby! vengan por favor....ahorita....Dellah y Ruby...me estan escuchando?"
yeah, when you get home at 7pm 5 days a week, and you think you're gonna decide the name of MY kid that I get to call 437 times while you're gone, you've GOT to be kidding me.
If only we could agree.
If only Gabriel didn't like the name....nevermind....perhaps some of you like the names he likes too but we gotta work this out, people.
three words: Sherlock Holmes
two words: Robert Downey Jr.
one word: yessssssss
other word: Avatar
something else: pretty amazing how much it makes you want to have a tail and no nose to speak of after 3 hours of 3-d glasses
current food cravings...chili cheese fritos
current need to go to the bathroom....urgent
Friday, November 27, 2009
WHERE AM I??????
PREGNANT!!!!!
anyone who knows me knows how happy this makes me after 2 years of trying and those same people also know how being pregnant makes me sick. really, really sick. I'm trying my best to answer the phone and be normal but I just can't all the time. I'm craving really weird things like Jalapeno poppers from Arby's and vegetable coconut kurma where I used to want cinnamon toast and cold cereal with the girls........perhaps this means we get a small mister sanchez....that would be nice if for no other reason than the fact that I have no fewer than 6 giant rubbermaid bins full of boy clothes.....but girls are welcomed too since I have 10 bins of little girl clothes.....also having children is not about clothes by any means but this is how I gage my obsession....apparrelly speaking.
So I'm about 15 1/2 weeks or 16 (I can't keep numbers in my brain) and I'm due middle-ish of May.
It feels so weird that this is actually for real and I look at my giant sweet girls who know how to brush their teeth and pour cereal and tie shoes and I think...."what in the crap have I DONE??" Gabriel says we're too old for infants....
speak for yourself old man....
pregnant in your thirties does feel a little different however than it did in the 20's but I'll live.
so that's that.
hiatus explained.
it's 2am on black friday and I can't sleep so I'm waiting till 3:30 so I can go to Wal Mart and walk around for an hour and a half before I can buy sheets and pajamas and the battleship/connect 4 gift pack at 5am.
I will then be coming back home and sleeping until some as yet undetermined hour of the pm...
kisses...
xoxo
anyone who knows me knows how happy this makes me after 2 years of trying and those same people also know how being pregnant makes me sick. really, really sick. I'm trying my best to answer the phone and be normal but I just can't all the time. I'm craving really weird things like Jalapeno poppers from Arby's and vegetable coconut kurma where I used to want cinnamon toast and cold cereal with the girls........perhaps this means we get a small mister sanchez....that would be nice if for no other reason than the fact that I have no fewer than 6 giant rubbermaid bins full of boy clothes.....but girls are welcomed too since I have 10 bins of little girl clothes.....also having children is not about clothes by any means but this is how I gage my obsession....apparrelly speaking.
So I'm about 15 1/2 weeks or 16 (I can't keep numbers in my brain) and I'm due middle-ish of May.
It feels so weird that this is actually for real and I look at my giant sweet girls who know how to brush their teeth and pour cereal and tie shoes and I think...."what in the crap have I DONE??" Gabriel says we're too old for infants....
speak for yourself old man....
pregnant in your thirties does feel a little different however than it did in the 20's but I'll live.
so that's that.
hiatus explained.
it's 2am on black friday and I can't sleep so I'm waiting till 3:30 so I can go to Wal Mart and walk around for an hour and a half before I can buy sheets and pajamas and the battleship/connect 4 gift pack at 5am.
I will then be coming back home and sleeping until some as yet undetermined hour of the pm...
kisses...
xoxo
Friday, October 09, 2009
hm.
Every single time I buy nice things for people and think I'm very thoughtful for remembering their special days or whatever, I always negate the niceness of it by never sending the thing in any kind of timely fashion. It's kind of a joke how I can send a birthday gift in october to someone who had a birthday in July...
same with blogging.
what's the point when everything you say is belated or serrated or retarded or bloated a month after it happened....
nonetheless...
I persist.
I blog retrospectively to spite myself.
There are a few things that happen in your life that make you feel like you're really alive. Like your skin fits you and your mind can't think of anything more to be happy.
I saw the Killers.
live.
that's all I'm going to say about that because nobody really cares but, MAN!
THE BEST concert I've ever seen IN MY LIFE!
there might have been a small puddle on the cement below me....I'm just saying.
thank you my friend Jenny for letting us come with you guys!
mmmm.......glee. I'm all the way in love with Glee.
Also Rachel Zoe and Root Beer.
and also Zots and Pop Rocks and those Rock Candy lolly pops and Big Red gum.
Monday, September 14, 2009
september, september....
Seriously, I have no idea how this keeps happening....how do these months keep flying away like this? it's insane.
My little Dellah went to kindergarden and I was a disaster. It's 2 hours and 45 minutes a day and I was like I was putting her on a plane bound for Mongolia......She reads. She's so cute. I love that girl.
Ruby started preschool and keeps asking the poor teacher for homework so she can be like Dellah...I keep trying to tell her that she needs to chill out in demanding things from new teachers and that I will be happy to give her some enrichment activities in the house when she returns....
she remains unmoved.
I got this eye shadow that's royal blue and another that's shimmery chartreuse....they kind of changed my life...I find I look far more awesome when wearing blue and green eye shadow.
Help me because my children have seen the Hannah Montana movie against all of my better judgement and now are obsessed with the theme song and have to hear it 47 times in a row every day. They've never seen the tv show and never seen high school musical and never seen anything with real people in it who don't later turn to cartoons (ie Enchanted) so I thought I was safe......but I'm not.....it's that SONG! ........It's getting to me, people....I find it harder and harder to distract them with Metro Station and miscellaneous Latin artists.....
eek.
Thursday, August 06, 2009
it's black, it's white
I went to the NPS store yesterday in need of everything and nothing in particular...they had tons and tons.
I have this little entry room as you come in from the garage and before you go up some stairs to the main front door entrance of my house. This little space has been a thorn in my heel since moving to my house and not knowing what to do with it or how to make it look good and be useful and whatnot. It's had so many incarnations until yesterday when, unbeknownst to my little vestibule, it was about to be forever altered by coolness.
turns out the NPS store has wall paper.
I've been looking for a wall paper solution for one of the walls down there for a long time and was working my way up to paying $75 a roll for some good paper....turns out the wallpaper in NPS is a buck......you heard me...ONE DOLLAR! except when you get this huge roll of adhesive wall paper in black and white awesomeness for $1.99 to cure all your blahness and need of something newness.
It's temporary wallpaper that just sticks like a sticker to your wall until you're done and leaves no glue behind.
It was the only one like it and the only adhesive wallpaper in the whole place.
I would like to express in words how huge the difference was but I cannot. I would like to express in words how grateful I am for the shopping spirit leading me to greatness once again. I will have to take a picture and show you my little wall with the big giant white and black patterned radness.
note: when wallpapering any kind of thing please have a partner that is over the age of 5 and knows not to take the adhesive backing off of entire large sections at a time while you're up on a ladder so the result is a sticky stuck together mess leaving you completely without extra in case you mess up which you will so you send your assistant to a shoe closet for a dum dum lolipop where she bumps a table moved out of the way for the wallpapering and breaks one of your prized turquoise sun moon and stars glasswares.......please
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
...and please bless that we can play with our guns...
this was what Ruby prayed for last night in family prayer....please bless dat we can play with owah guns tomowwow...
water guns.
they're new.
it's really hot.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
buy some money
today i was awakened by an all dressed and ready for the day Ruby who said, "oh, man....why does papi hava goda wowk evwy day tho he can buy thom money?...." she was disappointed that it was only me in my bed and not Gabriel....
a little later we were in the throws of a giant tantrum 30 minutes after a time out for throwing a sharp edged book in a small room. I was shop vac-ing the garage and she was easily screaming louder than the echoing vacuum noise.....(so that explains that to anyone living in a 2 mile radius). We went back upstairs and Ruby informed me that she needed me to take her to gwamma's house because she needed a 'bwake.....you know, like YOU always take a bwake?'
a. i don't ALWAYS take a bwake or i would be way thinner and well adjusted.
b. who takes a break at 10am....it's 10:20 in the morning!!!
c.. what on earth do people who eat cheetos and drink juice out of princess cups while they wear tulle and satin and watch animated things need with a bwake? a bwake from what? from the lap of luxury?
she informed me that i should take her to my parents' and then dellah and i should go somewhere and then come back and pick her up....
'ruby, is this because grandma and grandpa give you whatever you want while you're at their house?' i asked her.
'yes'.
nice.
she needs a break from the lap of luxury for a first class ticket to neverland where the word 'no' doesn't exist..........
DON'T WE ALL?
so here we are at sharon and lewi's while my children sit downstairs in their underwear under soft blankets watching beauty and the beast and eating copious amounts of skittles and edible necklaces....
maybe if I could buy some money i would purchase someone to listen to their drama at my house and then I would just come here to grandma's where every body's thrilled to be alive as long as there's skittles and yeses.....
a little later we were in the throws of a giant tantrum 30 minutes after a time out for throwing a sharp edged book in a small room. I was shop vac-ing the garage and she was easily screaming louder than the echoing vacuum noise.....(so that explains that to anyone living in a 2 mile radius). We went back upstairs and Ruby informed me that she needed me to take her to gwamma's house because she needed a 'bwake.....you know, like YOU always take a bwake?'
a. i don't ALWAYS take a bwake or i would be way thinner and well adjusted.
b. who takes a break at 10am....it's 10:20 in the morning!!!
c.. what on earth do people who eat cheetos and drink juice out of princess cups while they wear tulle and satin and watch animated things need with a bwake? a bwake from what? from the lap of luxury?
she informed me that i should take her to my parents' and then dellah and i should go somewhere and then come back and pick her up....
'ruby, is this because grandma and grandpa give you whatever you want while you're at their house?' i asked her.
'yes'.
nice.
she needs a break from the lap of luxury for a first class ticket to neverland where the word 'no' doesn't exist..........
DON'T WE ALL?
so here we are at sharon and lewi's while my children sit downstairs in their underwear under soft blankets watching beauty and the beast and eating copious amounts of skittles and edible necklaces....
maybe if I could buy some money i would purchase someone to listen to their drama at my house and then I would just come here to grandma's where every body's thrilled to be alive as long as there's skittles and yeses.....
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
smile like you mean it
I was watching an interview with the Killers one time and they were saying, 'you know, we're just really blessed because we're really good at writing songs.' They're right. I've tried to find any song I didn't wish I myself had written and it's pretty difficult....those Killers....they're so inspirational.....and that Katy Perry girl?.....stop it....so good.
Anyhoo, my hiatus this month has been due to my extensive research and field analysis of parenting. One time a boy wanted to kiss me and I spent like an hour acting like an idiot over analyzing the whole thing and making a big deal out of it and totally made him want to run away from me and my weirdness. i cringe in retrospective horror at myself. Then I have this thing where I sit at home and take pictures of myself in outfits before I leave the house so I see how I'm going to be perceived visually when I get where I'm going and I google things and research things before I do them ad nauseum.....I play bunco....i know........but I do...I play bunco and I LOVE IT but the first time I went I was a wreck, like rolling those dice was seriously going to be so hard that I had to get that bloated, anxious feeling in my stomach that makes you have to go to the bathroom and not be able to eat or breathe properly (like during and after most dates I ever went on). now it's going to be my turn to host bunco in august at my house and I'm already losing sleep over the prizes and food and redecoration of my house..... the point is, and I wish I could figure out how to do the biggest typeface in the universe here..........
WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME ALREADY??? I'M SENDING MYSELF TO HELL ON EARTH WORRYING SO MUCH ABOUT EVERY SINGLE LITTLE TINY MINUTE RIDICULOUS TRITE INSIGNIFICANT DETAIL OF EVERYTHING AND I'M SICK OF MYSELF!!!!!! DID YOU HEAR ME????? S I C K O F E R I N !!! YOU'RE THIRTY T W O YEARS OLD YOU BIG FREAK! JUST BE NORMAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LIFE ISN'T PERFECT AND NEITHER ARE YOU AND NEITHER ARE YOUR CHILDREN OR YOUR HOUSE OR YOUR REACTIONS OR YOUR ACTIONS!!!!! NOBODY CARES WHAT YOU DO OR HOW YOU DO IT....!!! AAARRRRGGHGHGHGGH!
every now and again I get these little glimpses into the world of unplanned, uncontrolled within an inch of it's life life and I find it quite diverting......then I go home and over analyze so i feel more comfortable.....
the point is that my poor children are so great and they deserve someone to be with 24/7 who has this crap figured out so they can get out from under all the sheesh and not be basketcases in cute outfits....
I've been reading this book called positive discipline for preschoolers and realizing that by the time someone is five they have got their emotional life and ideas and pre-conceived notions firmly in place......hm....well, better late then never.....I've learned many things about them and me and I have also been reading things written by people long, long ago also known as scriptures where one of my favorite little lines is 'when ye are weary He waketh morning by morning'....and also I remember in women's conference one of the speakers saying that a quiet voice came to her mom while praying abouy being a mom which said, "this is a process.....and the Lord values the process." I never think of anything as a process. I'm either it's perfect already or it's not but the evolution of myself as a parent is valued by the Lord? foreign territory. I have to believe that there will be some mercy extended to them and me strictly based on the fact that the Lord looketh on the heart, you know? I mean well and sometimes I even do well but I also gotta get my overreactions and need to be in control and uberstress out of the way....
we have a rule that once we close the bedroom door at nap or bedtime there is no more exchange between us and them....Ruby always.....and I mean every single time I shut the door even if she was perfectly content before i shut it....keeps talking and saying, 'night night'.....'night night'.....'night niiiiiiiiight, mamiiiiii!!!!!' until she works herself into a hissy fit and I have to barge back in and say, 'you know the rules!!!' and other stuff.....anyway, yesterday, i left her in there for quiet time and she started her 'bye, bye, mami' 'i love you mami'.....night night mami'....maaaammiiiiii!... ....and I went to my zen place, people....i just stood by the window and looked out of it and you know what......
she stopped.
she knew it was wrong and she stopped. no freakouts necessary. BECAUSE i have been less reactive and more patient...no power struggle necessary....
today dellah was sitting at breakfast and said, 'look we have some little ant families there.....'
I look over by the back door which is in my kitchen and saw a sizeable pile of tortilla chip pieces COVERED in little black ants with little black ant search parties further out looking for more tortilla chips......
i breathed.
then i breathed again
then one more time for luck and I said, 'dellah, that was so nice of you to want to feed those little ants, what about if next time you want to feed them you put their food on the back porch since houses are for people and not ants' kiss kiss 'go eat your yogurt....' but i still got that itchy i've seen too many ants feeling...
I'm getting there. I want happy children who love life and themselves and me (and Gabriel but me more) so recognition is 9/10ths of the law. I'm working on it.
in other news, we're having a yard sale on saturday morning at 8 along with the rest of our neighborhood so I gotta lotta work 2 do because once you start down the yard sale path and you have as much stuff as me, you start to not like any of your stuff and want to sell it all....even the stuff you thought you liked before the whole yard sale thing......because you remember that stuff is just stuff and it doesn't matter so you want to sell it all so you can have money to go and buy............better stuff...
Anyhoo, my hiatus this month has been due to my extensive research and field analysis of parenting. One time a boy wanted to kiss me and I spent like an hour acting like an idiot over analyzing the whole thing and making a big deal out of it and totally made him want to run away from me and my weirdness. i cringe in retrospective horror at myself. Then I have this thing where I sit at home and take pictures of myself in outfits before I leave the house so I see how I'm going to be perceived visually when I get where I'm going and I google things and research things before I do them ad nauseum.....I play bunco....i know........but I do...I play bunco and I LOVE IT but the first time I went I was a wreck, like rolling those dice was seriously going to be so hard that I had to get that bloated, anxious feeling in my stomach that makes you have to go to the bathroom and not be able to eat or breathe properly (like during and after most dates I ever went on). now it's going to be my turn to host bunco in august at my house and I'm already losing sleep over the prizes and food and redecoration of my house..... the point is, and I wish I could figure out how to do the biggest typeface in the universe here..........
WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME ALREADY??? I'M SENDING MYSELF TO HELL ON EARTH WORRYING SO MUCH ABOUT EVERY SINGLE LITTLE TINY MINUTE RIDICULOUS TRITE INSIGNIFICANT DETAIL OF EVERYTHING AND I'M SICK OF MYSELF!!!!!! DID YOU HEAR ME????? S I C K O F E R I N !!! YOU'RE THIRTY T W O YEARS OLD YOU BIG FREAK! JUST BE NORMAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LIFE ISN'T PERFECT AND NEITHER ARE YOU AND NEITHER ARE YOUR CHILDREN OR YOUR HOUSE OR YOUR REACTIONS OR YOUR ACTIONS!!!!! NOBODY CARES WHAT YOU DO OR HOW YOU DO IT....!!! AAARRRRGGHGHGHGGH!
every now and again I get these little glimpses into the world of unplanned, uncontrolled within an inch of it's life life and I find it quite diverting......then I go home and over analyze so i feel more comfortable.....
the point is that my poor children are so great and they deserve someone to be with 24/7 who has this crap figured out so they can get out from under all the sheesh and not be basketcases in cute outfits....
I've been reading this book called positive discipline for preschoolers and realizing that by the time someone is five they have got their emotional life and ideas and pre-conceived notions firmly in place......hm....well, better late then never.....I've learned many things about them and me and I have also been reading things written by people long, long ago also known as scriptures where one of my favorite little lines is 'when ye are weary He waketh morning by morning'....and also I remember in women's conference one of the speakers saying that a quiet voice came to her mom while praying abouy being a mom which said, "this is a process.....and the Lord values the process." I never think of anything as a process. I'm either it's perfect already or it's not but the evolution of myself as a parent is valued by the Lord? foreign territory. I have to believe that there will be some mercy extended to them and me strictly based on the fact that the Lord looketh on the heart, you know? I mean well and sometimes I even do well but I also gotta get my overreactions and need to be in control and uberstress out of the way....
we have a rule that once we close the bedroom door at nap or bedtime there is no more exchange between us and them....Ruby always.....and I mean every single time I shut the door even if she was perfectly content before i shut it....keeps talking and saying, 'night night'.....'night night'.....'night niiiiiiiiight, mamiiiiii!!!!!' until she works herself into a hissy fit and I have to barge back in and say, 'you know the rules!!!' and other stuff.....anyway, yesterday, i left her in there for quiet time and she started her 'bye, bye, mami' 'i love you mami'.....night night mami'....maaaammiiiiii!... ....and I went to my zen place, people....i just stood by the window and looked out of it and you know what......
she stopped.
she knew it was wrong and she stopped. no freakouts necessary. BECAUSE i have been less reactive and more patient...no power struggle necessary....
today dellah was sitting at breakfast and said, 'look we have some little ant families there.....'
I look over by the back door which is in my kitchen and saw a sizeable pile of tortilla chip pieces COVERED in little black ants with little black ant search parties further out looking for more tortilla chips......
i breathed.
then i breathed again
then one more time for luck and I said, 'dellah, that was so nice of you to want to feed those little ants, what about if next time you want to feed them you put their food on the back porch since houses are for people and not ants' kiss kiss 'go eat your yogurt....' but i still got that itchy i've seen too many ants feeling...
I'm getting there. I want happy children who love life and themselves and me (and Gabriel but me more) so recognition is 9/10ths of the law. I'm working on it.
in other news, we're having a yard sale on saturday morning at 8 along with the rest of our neighborhood so I gotta lotta work 2 do because once you start down the yard sale path and you have as much stuff as me, you start to not like any of your stuff and want to sell it all....even the stuff you thought you liked before the whole yard sale thing......because you remember that stuff is just stuff and it doesn't matter so you want to sell it all so you can have money to go and buy............better stuff...
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
stop the clock wouldja?
Good grief, I can't believe I'm so behind AGAIN with this chronicle.....let's see.....where to begin....ugly orange shirt lady in target trying to parent my child whilst I become irate?.....no...too bitter......ummm construction workers directly behind my house for the last nine months shaking my house and making noise at all hours?.....again....too bitter.....ummm..Dellah turned 5?.....BINGO....I'll elaborate...this girl was the first fruit of my womb and has been an actual joy to have around. While she doesn't have a real 'childlike' air about her, there is a certain appeal to 3 1/2 feet tall adults, right, or TLC would be bankrupt...
I went to this good toy store here in Sandy and got nice toys for her that I knew she would like and while we were there she became attached to this pink stuffed cat.....I told her we needed to leave it there and we could see it again another day......she said that was fine but she was going to get it for her birthday and this is how she was going to hold it while she petted it like this and this is what she was going to call it and this is how much she would love it.......when she got it for her birthday......My budget had been reached but I caved and went with her on her birthday to rescue the pink kitty from the red balloon toy store. She was called muffet and then muffin and then olivia and then custard and then ginger....i think it's still ginger. so we went to noodles and company for the usual mac and cheese and then came home so they could go swimming. Sadly I don't have a swim suit at present so I had to forgo the blissful event and watch from a chair.
it was 50 degrees outside and the heater in the pool was broken. It was cloudy and windy and I don't know why they had so much fun but they did.......we then came back in the house for wardrobe change number 3 for the day and opened presents.....this little fountain has real water and a swan that swims around and a unicorn and flowers and a king and queen....I got her a couple of fairies with wings and wands that i thought could live there too and a storybook set that playmobil has of snow white.....with glass coffin and poison apples and magic mirror....great, mom but what did grandma give me because it's always better than what you give me......
grandma gave her a wedding dress with a veil
and a mermaid costume with fluffy tulle tail at the bottom.......beats european plastic toys any day...
ruby got to be the bride while dellah frolicked like a fish....
she got the special summer plasma car from target that ruby got for her birthday to make sure that absolutely no sharing would be necessary on any level since we know how impossible it is to share with your sister....
six or seven months ago dellah told me of the elaborate scene she wanted on top of her birthday cake when it was time for her birthday.....being in love with all Miyazaki movies with their androgynous boys that look more like girls than the girls do, she 'needed' to have herself and Haku from spirited away on the cake, both smiling (which if you've seen it you know is impossible because haku doesn't smile.....ever....) and holding hands......sure, dellah, ok, we'll work that out (knowing full well that when the time came she would change to some flowers and butterflies and princesses or whatever).....2 days before the day I asked her what she wanted and, sure enough, she had not deviated in the least from her original conception.....great.
so i went to the world wide web and googled pictures of chihiro and haku (if you think people are obsessed with lord of the rings and elves and whatever you should look at these folks....completely obsessed with animae and all things androgynous boy children....)
I found a pretty good one after a while and then had to start looking for pictures of dellah which i printed out and went to work.....i found one where dellah's head was the same size as chihiro's and started to cut and trace and paste because photoshop is for people smarter than me.....the finished product after hard plastic lamination looked like this...
never underestimate the power of seeing your own face on a fictional character.....dellah was mesmerized and ruby was jealous that dellah was with haku and she wasn't.....good grief.
Anyway, my baby turned 5 and she knows all kinds of things and says all kinds of things and is tall and big and i can't wrap my brain around the concept that she's on that fast slope toward bigness when she won't want me to really be around.....i always ask her those desperate pathetic parent questions 'dellah will you always love me?' 'even when you're big, dellah, will you always love me so so so so so much?' 'yes, mami,' she says, 'i'll even love you when I'm 10.' i'll take it.
I went to this good toy store here in Sandy and got nice toys for her that I knew she would like and while we were there she became attached to this pink stuffed cat.....I told her we needed to leave it there and we could see it again another day......she said that was fine but she was going to get it for her birthday and this is how she was going to hold it while she petted it like this and this is what she was going to call it and this is how much she would love it.......when she got it for her birthday......My budget had been reached but I caved and went with her on her birthday to rescue the pink kitty from the red balloon toy store. She was called muffet and then muffin and then olivia and then custard and then ginger....i think it's still ginger. so we went to noodles and company for the usual mac and cheese and then came home so they could go swimming. Sadly I don't have a swim suit at present so I had to forgo the blissful event and watch from a chair.it was 50 degrees outside and the heater in the pool was broken. It was cloudy and windy and I don't know why they had so much fun but they did.......we then came back in the house for wardrobe change number 3 for the day and opened presents.....this little fountain has real water and a swan that swims around and a unicorn and flowers and a king and queen....I got her a couple of fairies with wings and wands that i thought could live there too and a storybook set that playmobil has of snow white.....with glass coffin and poison apples and magic mirror....great, mom but what did grandma give me because it's always better than what you give me......grandma gave her a wedding dress with a veiland a mermaid costume with fluffy tulle tail at the bottom.......beats european plastic toys any day...ruby got to be the bride while dellah frolicked like a fish....she got the special summer plasma car from target that ruby got for her birthday to make sure that absolutely no sharing would be necessary on any level since we know how impossible it is to share with your sister....six or seven months ago dellah told me of the elaborate scene she wanted on top of her birthday cake when it was time for her birthday.....being in love with all Miyazaki movies with their androgynous boys that look more like girls than the girls do, she 'needed' to have herself and Haku from spirited away on the cake, both smiling (which if you've seen it you know is impossible because haku doesn't smile.....ever....) and holding hands......sure, dellah, ok, we'll work that out (knowing full well that when the time came she would change to some flowers and butterflies and princesses or whatever).....2 days before the day I asked her what she wanted and, sure enough, she had not deviated in the least from her original conception.....great.so i went to the world wide web and googled pictures of chihiro and haku (if you think people are obsessed with lord of the rings and elves and whatever you should look at these folks....completely obsessed with animae and all things androgynous boy children....)
I found a pretty good one after a while and then had to start looking for pictures of dellah which i printed out and went to work.....i found one where dellah's head was the same size as chihiro's and started to cut and trace and paste because photoshop is for people smarter than me.....the finished product after hard plastic lamination looked like this...
never underestimate the power of seeing your own face on a fictional character.....dellah was mesmerized and ruby was jealous that dellah was with haku and she wasn't.....good grief.Anyway, my baby turned 5 and she knows all kinds of things and says all kinds of things and is tall and big and i can't wrap my brain around the concept that she's on that fast slope toward bigness when she won't want me to really be around.....i always ask her those desperate pathetic parent questions 'dellah will you always love me?' 'even when you're big, dellah, will you always love me so so so so so much?' 'yes, mami,' she says, 'i'll even love you when I'm 10.' i'll take it.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
at least 1000 words
a long time ago we went to mexico city. apparently i'm THAT behind on my pictures.
in mexico the people are very small and to compensate, they have very large things. it was all i could do to stand next to this huge thing.
but then there were these revelatory things like the angel of independence that make you feel like crying
aaaannnnddd another thing that is way too big.
my very favorite part was Frida's house. Her life and her point of view were so modern and inspiring, it was hard to even think she was born 100 years ago! that above us just simply says Frida and Diego lived in this house (she wrote it). kind of an understatement.
that's the main church in the main square of the city....that's me and Gabriel because we are cute.
then there is your friendly neighborhood shrine in a parking garage. we should really try and implement this idea here in America.
you have no idea until you see this flag in person how actually grotesquely gigantic it is....seriously I was transfixed and horrified....so so big. this was like the statue of libery of flags.
more recently like two weeks ago my mom and I went to women's conference where our cups were full and I had a million good ideas of how to be an amazing parent.......and then I came home. We went with my mom's brother's wife Aunt Theresa and my cousin Holly who has six children and lots of patience.
On saturday my mom and I and the girls did the susan g koman race for the cure. we got up at 6:00 and walked 5k downtown. this is my mom the survivor.
it's impossible to be in that environment without crying the whole day so that's what I did....i cried the whole day.
this is my little ruby 10% of the time.
this is her the other 90% of her life. funny how the ten percent somehow makes the 90% tolerable for me (with medication)
this is my little dellah faye. she is pretty.
Ruby claire turned 4 so we took her bowling.
I made her this cake because I like ruby and I like cake.
we had easter at our house. you may be thinking, man, erin looks chubby, maybe she's pregnant? nope. just chubby.
Dellah's little friend had a fairy birthday party a few weeks ago....you know me...i love a theme... 
so gabriel had his 35th birthday two weeks ago and I love him dearly but there weren't any good pictures of his cake ceremony. That's about it....I decided there are so many Mexico pictures I'll do a whole post on Mexico because there are some you just have to see.
in mexico the people are very small and to compensate, they have very large things. it was all i could do to stand next to this huge thing.
but then there were these revelatory things like the angel of independence that make you feel like crying
aaaannnnddd another thing that is way too big.
my very favorite part was Frida's house. Her life and her point of view were so modern and inspiring, it was hard to even think she was born 100 years ago! that above us just simply says Frida and Diego lived in this house (she wrote it). kind of an understatement.
that's the main church in the main square of the city....that's me and Gabriel because we are cute.
then there is your friendly neighborhood shrine in a parking garage. we should really try and implement this idea here in America.
you have no idea until you see this flag in person how actually grotesquely gigantic it is....seriously I was transfixed and horrified....so so big. this was like the statue of libery of flags.
more recently like two weeks ago my mom and I went to women's conference where our cups were full and I had a million good ideas of how to be an amazing parent.......and then I came home. We went with my mom's brother's wife Aunt Theresa and my cousin Holly who has six children and lots of patience.
On saturday my mom and I and the girls did the susan g koman race for the cure. we got up at 6:00 and walked 5k downtown. this is my mom the survivor.
it's impossible to be in that environment without crying the whole day so that's what I did....i cried the whole day.
this is my little ruby 10% of the time.
this is her the other 90% of her life. funny how the ten percent somehow makes the 90% tolerable for me (with medication)
this is my little dellah faye. she is pretty.
Ruby claire turned 4 so we took her bowling.
I made her this cake because I like ruby and I like cake.
we had easter at our house. you may be thinking, man, erin looks chubby, maybe she's pregnant? nope. just chubby.
Dellah's little friend had a fairy birthday party a few weeks ago....you know me...i love a theme... 
so gabriel had his 35th birthday two weeks ago and I love him dearly but there weren't any good pictures of his cake ceremony. That's about it....I decided there are so many Mexico pictures I'll do a whole post on Mexico because there are some you just have to see.In other news one of my siblings wrote me a hate text so that's always fun.
My little sister's baby is due on my birthday! hooray scorpios.
snoasis opens in a matter of days and my saliva can hardly stay in my mouth.
sorry for the absence I've just been hanging out and reading some books with my shoulder firmly against the wheel, you know. cause that's how i roll, all stalwart and together and flawless-like.....
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Thursday, April 02, 2009
what glue?
I have just come unglued at my children. both of them. Simultaneously. Now I have that guilt where I want to chop my face off and pour lemons all over it.
They're just soo.......
so......
ahhhhhhhrrrrggghghhh.
Just humor me.
Dellah now says things to Ruby like, "I wish you were never born" and "if you don't give me that toy I'm leaving you and never coming back".
she's 4.
NOBODY told me preschool and high school produced the same attitude problems.
So then there's Ruby who Heavenly Father actually spoke to before coming to our house and gave her some uncanny ability to care more about others than she does about herself (probly to safeguard her against all the animiocity people feel towards her for crying and whining 90% of her existence). Her mind thinks like this....'dellah is sad...there is something I can do to help her....by jove, I'm going to do whatever it takes to make her happy!' 'dellah wants the Belle paper doll because she just tore the arm off of the Cinderella paper doll that she was pouting about having to play with in the first place and she already has a Belle paper doll but with plastic clothes instead of magnetic ones so I guess she really wants mine...I'll take the Cinderella with one arm like Dellah is telling me to and be happy with that because I am an angel and I worship a false god named Dellah.
'
heartbreaking really.
So, of course, the equality activist that I am does not allow me to watch this injustice 2 feet from me and not make a comment something like, "who in the world do you think you are? if you went to school and acted like this no one would want to be your friend. Ruby is a better friend to you than you are to her and you never ever ever ever ever think of anyone but yourSELF! when Jesus sees things like this He feels so sad because he always thought of others...." that's right, I threw the Jesus card out there. 'what happened to the Dellah that used to be so fun to be around? you're just grumpy and pouty and mean! why are you mean?!"
I just can't understand that much selfishness. It's about everything. snacks, toys, movie choices, pajama choices and Ruby always lets Dellah win. I feel it is my duty to make Dellah understand that nobody else but Ruby will ever be that cowtow-ing to her, especially not me.
Dellah has mad talents and qualities that I admire but this stinky trait almost overpowers them all.
Then of course after I played Ruby's advocate it was time for quiet time so I asked them to help clean up the paper dolls and put them in their respective places. Dellah helped because Dellah always is helpful and Ruby sat and ignored me and sang and played and laughed at me when I told her more firmly (almost yelling but not yet...) to stop wallowing on the carpet and come help clean her mess....
she kept laughing and at that point I did what any prideful, self-important, unhumble, lame parent would do....
"OH NO YOU DI'IN JUST LAUGH IN MY FACE WHILE I'M TRYING TO TALK TO YOU, STAND UP AND GET OVER HER RIIIIGGGHHHTT NOWWWWWW! RUUUUBBYYYY....RIIIIGHHHT NOWWWWW!
i suck. I should know that at 2:30 every day we need to disburse to our own rooms before the carriage is a pumpkin and we all fall apart.
I should get that they are small and they want to see what all they can get away with and let them live and have consequences quietly given to them with a calm, unfeeling voice filled with remorse for their bad choices and what must now come to pass....I should be Claire Huckstable but i am just erin.
I get it.
it's just so hard to doooooooooo!
moving on.
I got $130 of groceries at Albertson's today for $57. I saved something like $70 with coupons and in store promotions. I even got a five dollar shopping voucher for buying 5 boxes of our favorite cereal....
in sane.
there is a high associated with buying cheep food very much akin to the high achieved by finding Oilily or Catimini or Petit Batteau at DI for $1....scarily similar and one might even say, more productive on the whole than buying clothing for children that i so obviously am yet to conceive and probably shouldn't even think about because of the caliber of mom-ness I am currently producing...everyone has to eat, right?
All of this coupon saving has almost inspired me to want to cook things.
at least I have a list of things I would ideally like to cook this next week if all goes well.....which it sometimes doesn't....
now it's on to Target for more funtimesavings and inevitable things for myself that always hop into Target carts unannounced but not uninvited.
"Terrible mother saves big money at the grocery!"
I know that's not gonna fly with saint Peter. i got to pray just to make it to day...please Hammer don't hurt um...
They're just soo.......
so......
ahhhhhhhrrrrggghghhh.
Just humor me.
Dellah now says things to Ruby like, "I wish you were never born" and "if you don't give me that toy I'm leaving you and never coming back".
she's 4.
NOBODY told me preschool and high school produced the same attitude problems.
So then there's Ruby who Heavenly Father actually spoke to before coming to our house and gave her some uncanny ability to care more about others than she does about herself (probly to safeguard her against all the animiocity people feel towards her for crying and whining 90% of her existence). Her mind thinks like this....'dellah is sad...there is something I can do to help her....by jove, I'm going to do whatever it takes to make her happy!' 'dellah wants the Belle paper doll because she just tore the arm off of the Cinderella paper doll that she was pouting about having to play with in the first place and she already has a Belle paper doll but with plastic clothes instead of magnetic ones so I guess she really wants mine...I'll take the Cinderella with one arm like Dellah is telling me to and be happy with that because I am an angel and I worship a false god named Dellah.
'
heartbreaking really.
So, of course, the equality activist that I am does not allow me to watch this injustice 2 feet from me and not make a comment something like, "who in the world do you think you are? if you went to school and acted like this no one would want to be your friend. Ruby is a better friend to you than you are to her and you never ever ever ever ever think of anyone but yourSELF! when Jesus sees things like this He feels so sad because he always thought of others...." that's right, I threw the Jesus card out there. 'what happened to the Dellah that used to be so fun to be around? you're just grumpy and pouty and mean! why are you mean?!"
I just can't understand that much selfishness. It's about everything. snacks, toys, movie choices, pajama choices and Ruby always lets Dellah win. I feel it is my duty to make Dellah understand that nobody else but Ruby will ever be that cowtow-ing to her, especially not me.
Dellah has mad talents and qualities that I admire but this stinky trait almost overpowers them all.
Then of course after I played Ruby's advocate it was time for quiet time so I asked them to help clean up the paper dolls and put them in their respective places. Dellah helped because Dellah always is helpful and Ruby sat and ignored me and sang and played and laughed at me when I told her more firmly (almost yelling but not yet...) to stop wallowing on the carpet and come help clean her mess....
she kept laughing and at that point I did what any prideful, self-important, unhumble, lame parent would do....
"OH NO YOU DI'IN JUST LAUGH IN MY FACE WHILE I'M TRYING TO TALK TO YOU, STAND UP AND GET OVER HER RIIIIGGGHHHTT NOWWWWWW! RUUUUBBYYYY....RIIIIGHHHT NOWWWWW!
i suck. I should know that at 2:30 every day we need to disburse to our own rooms before the carriage is a pumpkin and we all fall apart.
I should get that they are small and they want to see what all they can get away with and let them live and have consequences quietly given to them with a calm, unfeeling voice filled with remorse for their bad choices and what must now come to pass....I should be Claire Huckstable but i am just erin.
I get it.
it's just so hard to doooooooooo!
moving on.
I got $130 of groceries at Albertson's today for $57. I saved something like $70 with coupons and in store promotions. I even got a five dollar shopping voucher for buying 5 boxes of our favorite cereal....
in sane.
there is a high associated with buying cheep food very much akin to the high achieved by finding Oilily or Catimini or Petit Batteau at DI for $1....scarily similar and one might even say, more productive on the whole than buying clothing for children that i so obviously am yet to conceive and probably shouldn't even think about because of the caliber of mom-ness I am currently producing...everyone has to eat, right?
All of this coupon saving has almost inspired me to want to cook things.
at least I have a list of things I would ideally like to cook this next week if all goes well.....which it sometimes doesn't....
now it's on to Target for more funtimesavings and inevitable things for myself that always hop into Target carts unannounced but not uninvited.
"Terrible mother saves big money at the grocery!"
I know that's not gonna fly with saint Peter. i got to pray just to make it to day...please Hammer don't hurt um...
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
catrachos
Hondurans are called 'Catrachos' and Costa Ricans are called 'ticos', Guatemalans are called 'Chapines' .....i don't even know why. what are Americans called?....jerky? fat? crass? smelly? we should think of another little charming word that the world can refer to us by.....cantcatchus?, toocuties? or just go the route of the central Americans and have a nonsense word...rarakis?
I ponder these things as I sit in front of my large television beside my husband who is extremely enamored by soccer as per his Mexican-ness. Mexico is playing Honduras. I love me some Honduras so it's a bit of a toss up here. Mother land of my husband or mission land of my corazon....
it's all fun and games until the game actually starts and then it's like, 'there he went....que te vaya bien...you could try to talk to him about something or ask for his help (if you were his child) and he would appear to be in the room with you but he is actually playing soccer on a far away grassy field called 'winding down after work'
Upon sensing that I must have been complaining about his inattention to mountain standard time to the great void, Gabriel just leaned over and gave me a smooch and said, "this shows you how much i love you, Mexico is playing and I am looking at you"
that's over now. Honduras just scored and there were several technical mistakes that now have to be illuminated.....and he thinks their uniforms are not cool because they have an H on them because they are from Honduras....even though H's as a rule are silent and not pronounced at all in Spanish....
moving on.
I have recently begun to think that I should be saving hundreds of dollars a month to spend on myself by becoming undeniably and heartbreakingly frugal and coupon-ish and responsible with the money I get bi-weekly....i have found a new obsession.....clipping along the little dotted lines of the little coupons with some really sharp scissors.....sccccchhhhhp, sccccccchhhhpp......so beautiful....and then there are the little newsprint ones where your scissors slide when they're in that perfect open-ness position and you just feel so efficient....so productive....so frugal!!!
I'm in my pajamas from yesterday at 8pm today and I never left the house and I didn't clean anything although I did make some dinner (in the rice cooker)....
i did clip coupons though, people. I made serious plans to be very financially responsible in the coming days....Barbies are 50% off at KMart and Crayola is buy one get one free at ToysRUs.....you know, just the staples....bare essentials for these hard times....
Nordstrom Rack opens tomorrow 5 minutes from my front door.
there are bright spots in the haze...
I seemed to have remembered that 'Farewell My Concubine' was a pretty, while tragic, film from my days with the International cinema at BYU that was worth the while.....yeah....I'm lucky there weren't any straight razors or revolvers around when that got over. and no it's not naughty you naughty people...that's the name of a famous Peking opera like 'Carmen' or something for us.
The movie that was pretty stunning visually is new to Blockbuster this week called, Azur and Asmar the Prince's Quest...it's animated and rated PG (although there are some animated boobies breastfeeding some animated babies in the beginning but who hasn't seen that in reality?) that was a seriously beautiful little movie.
ummm...it's 2 to 0 and Honduras is ahead so we've changed the channel and I should probably interface with my spouse.
I ponder these things as I sit in front of my large television beside my husband who is extremely enamored by soccer as per his Mexican-ness. Mexico is playing Honduras. I love me some Honduras so it's a bit of a toss up here. Mother land of my husband or mission land of my corazon....
it's all fun and games until the game actually starts and then it's like, 'there he went....que te vaya bien...you could try to talk to him about something or ask for his help (if you were his child) and he would appear to be in the room with you but he is actually playing soccer on a far away grassy field called 'winding down after work'
Upon sensing that I must have been complaining about his inattention to mountain standard time to the great void, Gabriel just leaned over and gave me a smooch and said, "this shows you how much i love you, Mexico is playing and I am looking at you"
that's over now. Honduras just scored and there were several technical mistakes that now have to be illuminated.....and he thinks their uniforms are not cool because they have an H on them because they are from Honduras....even though H's as a rule are silent and not pronounced at all in Spanish....
moving on.
I have recently begun to think that I should be saving hundreds of dollars a month to spend on myself by becoming undeniably and heartbreakingly frugal and coupon-ish and responsible with the money I get bi-weekly....i have found a new obsession.....clipping along the little dotted lines of the little coupons with some really sharp scissors.....sccccchhhhhp, sccccccchhhhpp......so beautiful....and then there are the little newsprint ones where your scissors slide when they're in that perfect open-ness position and you just feel so efficient....so productive....so frugal!!!
I'm in my pajamas from yesterday at 8pm today and I never left the house and I didn't clean anything although I did make some dinner (in the rice cooker)....
i did clip coupons though, people. I made serious plans to be very financially responsible in the coming days....Barbies are 50% off at KMart and Crayola is buy one get one free at ToysRUs.....you know, just the staples....bare essentials for these hard times....
Nordstrom Rack opens tomorrow 5 minutes from my front door.
there are bright spots in the haze...
I seemed to have remembered that 'Farewell My Concubine' was a pretty, while tragic, film from my days with the International cinema at BYU that was worth the while.....yeah....I'm lucky there weren't any straight razors or revolvers around when that got over. and no it's not naughty you naughty people...that's the name of a famous Peking opera like 'Carmen' or something for us.
The movie that was pretty stunning visually is new to Blockbuster this week called, Azur and Asmar the Prince's Quest...it's animated and rated PG (although there are some animated boobies breastfeeding some animated babies in the beginning but who hasn't seen that in reality?) that was a seriously beautiful little movie.
ummm...it's 2 to 0 and Honduras is ahead so we've changed the channel and I should probably interface with my spouse.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
post to cover up the last post i wrote which was probably very unpopular with people who think my life is better than fine so i should just shut up
When my girls want to taste some of my beverage they ask me if they can have a 'zip'.
'Mami, can i have a zip of your drink?'
My drive to pick up Dellah from school today was very different.
I usually walk around in a sort of uninspired haze like I do things and I'm happy and I feel joy but I'm not thinking anything new, you know? Not feeling myself contributing to a collective intelligence pool in the sky.
Well today I was driving alone (perhaps this is the key to original thought?) because Gabriel was home with Ruby and I got this actual flood of information about a story that I started writing in school 10 years ago. What she was motivated by and how he got there and who were her relatives and why did they matter and what were their relationships like and why and how to explain this or that thing and how the one book should actually be two and this is what they should say.
I started to cry because the feeling of an actual surge of thoughts and ideas was so different and exhilarating compared to my normal life.
I started writing these things down on the back of a wal mart receipt as fast as I could in the pick-up line at preschool and my mind was flying. So many things making sense about this one story that's been dormant for so long. Maybe that little story needs to come out and be a real thing.
i thank the Lord for some small manna to sustain my feelings of having once been a person who was pretty clever. There was as much adrenaline right then as there is after 4 miles on an elliptical machine.
I bet if I were super duper productive I would be very, very thin.
march 25th 10:49am.
original thought = $0
how good my 7-11 hot chocolate and donut tasted after said thought = priceless.
'Mami, can i have a zip of your drink?'
My drive to pick up Dellah from school today was very different.
I usually walk around in a sort of uninspired haze like I do things and I'm happy and I feel joy but I'm not thinking anything new, you know? Not feeling myself contributing to a collective intelligence pool in the sky.
Well today I was driving alone (perhaps this is the key to original thought?) because Gabriel was home with Ruby and I got this actual flood of information about a story that I started writing in school 10 years ago. What she was motivated by and how he got there and who were her relatives and why did they matter and what were their relationships like and why and how to explain this or that thing and how the one book should actually be two and this is what they should say.
I started to cry because the feeling of an actual surge of thoughts and ideas was so different and exhilarating compared to my normal life.
I started writing these things down on the back of a wal mart receipt as fast as I could in the pick-up line at preschool and my mind was flying. So many things making sense about this one story that's been dormant for so long. Maybe that little story needs to come out and be a real thing.
i thank the Lord for some small manna to sustain my feelings of having once been a person who was pretty clever. There was as much adrenaline right then as there is after 4 miles on an elliptical machine.
I bet if I were super duper productive I would be very, very thin.
march 25th 10:49am.
original thought = $0
how good my 7-11 hot chocolate and donut tasted after said thought = priceless.
one post to make everyone uncomfortable and wish I hadn't written it
Do you know what it means every time I start my period....AGAIN!
it means another month of realizing that I'm not pregnant and my baby is going to be 4 in 4 weeks and I feel like the butt of a seriously un-funny joke.
two kids in 5 minutes and then I actually want a baby really, super bad and oops....sorry.....all out.
no babies for you.
I adore my children. I think they are the cutest, funniest, cleverest folks. I guess there's only supposed to be two of them.
there is a weird feeling like I'm not worthy or some crap like I haven't done a good enough job with my two so I don't get three?
teenagers and hyperlame people get babies the way I used to get babies....without even trying. Super nice people also get babies and get to plan their children and say, "I think I want my children 2 years and 3 months apart.....well, looky there....I'm pregnant!"
I love pregnant people. I love children. I love procreation.
I am allowed to have this one little blog where I hate everyone and all people with working reproductive tools.
there are people who can't have even one kid.
I'm not trying to please the world and pretend that I'm not sad for my own isolated experience unrelated to anyone else's experience with infertility/singleness/whatever.
I'm just mad right now that for the 16th month I have woken up on some random day different than the month before and realized that I'm not getting to throw up for 40 weeks and increase my body mass index by 47% and raise my stress level exponentially and be hooked up to an i.v. every so often to replenish my fluids.
i aspire to the sickness that ends in life.
as if there weren't enough things i feel inadequate about. as if it's a bad thing to be married and happy and financially stable and want another kid to teach and protect and love.
whatever, tampax pearl.
bring it on.
it means another month of realizing that I'm not pregnant and my baby is going to be 4 in 4 weeks and I feel like the butt of a seriously un-funny joke.
two kids in 5 minutes and then I actually want a baby really, super bad and oops....sorry.....all out.
no babies for you.
I adore my children. I think they are the cutest, funniest, cleverest folks. I guess there's only supposed to be two of them.
there is a weird feeling like I'm not worthy or some crap like I haven't done a good enough job with my two so I don't get three?
teenagers and hyperlame people get babies the way I used to get babies....without even trying. Super nice people also get babies and get to plan their children and say, "I think I want my children 2 years and 3 months apart.....well, looky there....I'm pregnant!"
I love pregnant people. I love children. I love procreation.
I am allowed to have this one little blog where I hate everyone and all people with working reproductive tools.
there are people who can't have even one kid.
I'm not trying to please the world and pretend that I'm not sad for my own isolated experience unrelated to anyone else's experience with infertility/singleness/whatever.
I'm just mad right now that for the 16th month I have woken up on some random day different than the month before and realized that I'm not getting to throw up for 40 weeks and increase my body mass index by 47% and raise my stress level exponentially and be hooked up to an i.v. every so often to replenish my fluids.
i aspire to the sickness that ends in life.
as if there weren't enough things i feel inadequate about. as if it's a bad thing to be married and happy and financially stable and want another kid to teach and protect and love.
whatever, tampax pearl.
bring it on.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
seriously
Who in the world knew that there were so many MORE things to be stressed out about than you first expected when having children. First of all, no one tells you that it really hurts when they take the placenta out of you after your baby comes out of you and no one tells you that the amount of debilitating tiredness after you have your baby makes you not remember anything and be ugly and it kind of never goes away. THEN they don't tell you that you should have appreciated your breasts in all their imperfections before because AFTER the children you are a grim shadow of your former breastness.
Then your children get larger and you're trying to make sure they have the right amounts of vitamins and wardrobe changes and meals and pacifiers that match their wardrobe changes and scriptures read to them every day and proper amounts of spanish pop music and english good music and classical music and wholesome videos and phonics and staying in the lines coloring and classic children's books read to them daily and newer children's books read to them daily and all of those books bought and read in english and spanish and timely potty training and intellectually stimulating toys and frivolous toys that mean nothing and toys that you always wanted as a child that are really for you and not your children and time spent playing on outdoor play structures and frolicking with correct amounts of SPF and positive reinforcement of good behavior and reproving betimes with sharpness and the whole increase of love afterward and preparing them to be kind to others but not so kind that they're wusses and not too mean to have to sit alone at lunch and not say "that man has a really big belly" right in front of 'that man' and kisses and hugs and endearing them to you above all others through whatever shameless methods available......
then you realize they have to go to school and have hobbies?
who is supposed to tell you what school to go to and when you even register a kid for school? Nobody tells people how to do these things. And what are my kids supposed to be good at for THE REST OF THEIR LIVES? and if I don't start them in these things last year preferably they're going to be dreadfully behind.
seriously.
who has time to make sure your children are talented, educated, safe, spiritual, beautiful, clever, quirky, funny, charming, scholarly and popular with other preschoolers? and take a shower?
impossible.
I mostly just sit with the yellow pages and think to myself....."Erin...what would you want to do if you were 3 and insane and unable to pay attention and only liked to whine and, while whining, bounced up and down in an incredibly annoying way? what about if you were 4 and thought you were the most talented person alive and already knew everything about everything and were
only being obedient when compelled by mortal fear of repercussions?"
I'm making light of a thing that haunts me daily. I'm not from Utah you know? I don't know where to take a kid for the best ballet classes or where to go for piano or violin lessons or theater workshops or singing lessons or soccer or whatever the hell else it is that every other person seems to have their children in and I don't.
Does the dad ever worry about these things enough to find out/register/lose sleep?
not in my experience.
Then your children get larger and you're trying to make sure they have the right amounts of vitamins and wardrobe changes and meals and pacifiers that match their wardrobe changes and scriptures read to them every day and proper amounts of spanish pop music and english good music and classical music and wholesome videos and phonics and staying in the lines coloring and classic children's books read to them daily and newer children's books read to them daily and all of those books bought and read in english and spanish and timely potty training and intellectually stimulating toys and frivolous toys that mean nothing and toys that you always wanted as a child that are really for you and not your children and time spent playing on outdoor play structures and frolicking with correct amounts of SPF and positive reinforcement of good behavior and reproving betimes with sharpness and the whole increase of love afterward and preparing them to be kind to others but not so kind that they're wusses and not too mean to have to sit alone at lunch and not say "that man has a really big belly" right in front of 'that man' and kisses and hugs and endearing them to you above all others through whatever shameless methods available......
then you realize they have to go to school and have hobbies?
who is supposed to tell you what school to go to and when you even register a kid for school? Nobody tells people how to do these things. And what are my kids supposed to be good at for THE REST OF THEIR LIVES? and if I don't start them in these things last year preferably they're going to be dreadfully behind.
seriously.
who has time to make sure your children are talented, educated, safe, spiritual, beautiful, clever, quirky, funny, charming, scholarly and popular with other preschoolers? and take a shower?
impossible.
I mostly just sit with the yellow pages and think to myself....."Erin...what would you want to do if you were 3 and insane and unable to pay attention and only liked to whine and, while whining, bounced up and down in an incredibly annoying way? what about if you were 4 and thought you were the most talented person alive and already knew everything about everything and were
only being obedient when compelled by mortal fear of repercussions?"
I'm making light of a thing that haunts me daily. I'm not from Utah you know? I don't know where to take a kid for the best ballet classes or where to go for piano or violin lessons or theater workshops or singing lessons or soccer or whatever the hell else it is that every other person seems to have their children in and I don't.
Does the dad ever worry about these things enough to find out/register/lose sleep?
not in my experience.
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